Crap! These Humans are so Frustrating!

You have probably noticed that I haven’t mentioned the couple in a long while.  Things seemed to be going so well.  I was drawing them closer and closer.

Well…it’s going terribly now.  The lonely wife and her husband are getting counseling from someone else.  The preacher hasn’t really talked to his wife yet but asked for general prayers from some preacher buddies and has kept his mind off of her and her body for the most part.  Good grief!

I will never give up hope or give up trying, but for now, I am failing.  And I HATE IT WHEN I AM FAILING!

It’s time to get a little more serious and up the ante. Just wait!

I love Kids!

This cracks me up.  Get em when they’re small I always say!

Click here idiot

Ahhh! Despair, I love thee!

I love it when people give up.  Give in.  Usually the Enemy is right around the corner about to surprise them with help.  And POW!  Suicide!  Murder!

My lieutenants out in CA are doing a fine job and I had to draw attention to them. These stories make me laugh.  Despair!  Give up!  There is no hope!

ROFLOL!

Man kills 5 kids, wife, self.

It really takes some hard work to convince someone to do something this wonderful.  It goes against their nature.  But often enough to keep us encouraged in our work, some family goes KA-BOOM!

She Hugged Him!!!!!

Things went really well today at church. She spent the entire sermon hanging on his every word. When she wasn’t focused on the lesson, she was imagining what a kind husband and loving father he must be at home. Her emotions were really cranking.  Her husband hasn’t been to church in months.  Too busy.  Too tired.

After services were over, she went up and gave him a hug to thank him for all the prayers, emails, and encouragement she has received from him.

He can’t stop thinking about that hug and how she smelled.

Only his wife noticed and wondered about it. To everyone else, it was a normal sign of gratitude and greeting.  Preacher’s wife questioned him about it when they got home.  They had a nice fight.  Wife is jealous.

Everything is going according to plan.  I will definitely keep you updated.

Adventures in Excellence (1)

(Today I am kinda bummed.  Those  STUPID Americans and their STUPID unity and STUPID hope has got me down.  So, in order to cheer myself up, I wanted to share some more positive news.  Plus, things are still going well with the seduction of the preacher and the lonely wife.  I will share more details later in the week.  For now, let’s give honor to whom honor is due:  ME!)

Today’s example of AiE is stealing. Theft is one of my favorite sins. So common. So easy to justify. But some go above and beyond.

50 billion dollars!!  Wow!  Great job!. I am impressed with Bernard Madoff. What a guy? Seldom has so much been stolen from so many!  Makes Wynona Ryder seem pretty pathetic.

The best part is that a few months ago he was 99.9% sure he wouldn’t get caught and now he wears a bullet-proof vest whenever he goes out in public.  ROFLOL!!  You humans are sooooo easy.

Life is great when you love your job, and are as good at it as I am.

I am a little annoyed that Ponzi gets credit for the scheme.  Who do you really think came up with it??  Come on.  Ponzi was a patsy.  You humans are all patsies.

Stay sexy, Bernie!

Preacher and Lonely Wife Update

Oh man, this is too fun and too easy.  This preacher guy, like most male humans, struggles with lust.  My VP in Hollywood continues to work on that and has done a fine job in my prideful opinion.  I taught him everything he knows.

This poor lonely wife has no idea that Preacher has struggled on and off with porn/lust for much of his life.  And of course, he and his wife aren’t intimate as often as he wants to be.  Check this out.  I love to brag, but I almost can’t because it is so easy and scientific.

Here is the last couple of months of this preacher’s life as I have helped him out.  Starting two months before his counseling session with Lonely Wife (although I have been working on him for years):

• Two months prior:  His last time to view pornography.  Felt guilty, prayed about it (oh brother), but didn’t confess to wife or friends.
• 6 weeks prior:  I started a marvelous series of events, one of which I can’t take credit for, his wife’s menstrual cycle.  LOL!
• 5 weeks prior:  the wife got the flu, no nookie for preacherboy.  HA!
• 4 weeks prior: they had family visit, crowded house, lots of stress, no sex.
• 3 weeks prior: this week was super busy, lots of hurting and whiny people, lots of church activities, he had the flu on top of this all, and even he didn’t want sex.  Too tired and too sick.  Easy.
• 2 weeks prior: still no sex, or no porn, but he needed some “relief” of his “sexual tension” if you know what I mean.  Too bad God didn’t create males with shorter arms.  ROFLOL!
• 1 week prior: no flu, no busy schedule, but he and wifey had a fight over money, or something.  I really think both were just cranky because they had not been intimate in around two months.  Tempers flared.  Angry words spoken (YES!), and still no sex.
• This past week, his wife’s latest Victoria Secret catalogue arrived!!  Gotta love the USPS, right on time, when I need them to be.  LOL!

Another thing I have planned for months finally came to fruition.  He emailed her today.  He did it when he got home from church.  He avoided her in person but sent a long and encouraging email. He talked about how much he is concerned about her and is praying for her.  And guess what.  He used his secondary email account that he honestly created just for junk mail and signing up for stuff on the internet.

I planted the seed in his head that he should use that email, so he could continue to encourage the lonely wife privately.  Of course, he didn’t want someone to accidentally break confidentiality by reading the church or his regular email.

I got him!  Oh, I got him.  This is going to be sooo easy.

Word for the Week: Fornication

OK, this is hilarious and I’ve got to tell you about it. See, I started a couple months ago on her and her “wonderful” marriage. Yeah, it was just great until husband started working extra hours and she had to spend more and more time alone. Sure, the details kept her busy but she started feeling like she was the only one in the marriage. She was going to talk to a friend about it, but every time she started to, I made sure something stopped her. So the other night when she was at church I let her overhear one of the other females talking about how great the preacher was. (Oh please!). So I didn’t even have to plant that seed, she took it upon herself to ask him that night if he had a few minutes to spare. He, feeling like it is his personal mission to help everybody in the building, agreed.

Her mother kept the younglings and she spent an hour in his office the next afternoon. She told him how she felt about her husband working late hours and the way he hardly noticed her anymore,blah, blah, blah. As she talked, I quietly reminded him of how his own wife treats him. He listened silently as she talked, prayed with her, and told her how things were going to be fine. That’s when it started. I didn’t even have to do much. I let his worldly ambitions take over.

The next Sunday sealed it for me. He could hardly keep his mind on his poorly put together sermon. Sure, he felt guilty but he pushed the guilt aside. I love how he keeps telling himself that he is her friend and nothing more. I also can’t help but laugh when he talks to Him about her. Like he thinks He will step in and stop something from happening. Not only am I going to destroy two marriages, and one congregation, but many souls are going to waver over what might happen tomorrow morning.

Stay tuned. I’m so excited! I can’t wait! Maybe, just maybe, this will all go exactly how I want it to!  I will keep you posted on my progress.